no answers

i just got back from the doctors. i am pissed for one, but terrified. they make me sit in the fucking waiting room for 45 mins, then in the room for 15 mins, then he talks to me for 5 mins, and send me on my way, with anotehr number to call. a neurosurgeon. he wants me to have the disk removed i think? i asked him i told him, i wanted to row again, i dont want to lose my abilities and shit. he said have your parents call me, tehy are nice people. FUCK THEY HAVE SHIT TO DO WITH THIS! goddamn it. what the fuck. they are gonna bitch about money or something. i dont even know. I, me, I I dont want to have it, one for the money, two, because of the failure rate. shit do i need to go on? i dont know what the hell to do. i dont want to be disabled for the rest of my life. i am fine now, i dont want to remove shit that god put tehre. he put it there for a reason. i have three sets of teeth, i wouldnt take them out for no reason. i have an appendix...people have that shit taken out...i have tonsils...fuck....i keep those fucking things. you can live without it, but you can live without eyes, ears, andone lung, bullshit i can ramble on more about that fucking shit. i dont want to be useless.he told me not to work. well fuck, thats the only thing im good at. manual labor and shit. if i get surgery i might lose my job. man i hate people soooo god damned much. they piss me off. the kids.....they become adults.....they scare me...they only hurt others.....trying to benefit themselves, but fail at that too. fuck i hate this shit. what the fuck is the next step? call teh surgeon and ask him bullshit stuff....can i afford to ask him shit? fuck doctors, i want to just heal on my own, without an alabamian to tell me false shit....or have short answers and refer me to another one who i dont wanna pay for. fuck. i hate i hate i hate. i just hate. it makes me feel better. hating is good. relieves stress. i HATE. fuck this shit. i want to know if i wll be able to move. i dont want to be lame. fuck, lame to me is not being able to do what i did before. get into fights. fuck around. take a beating and dish it out as often as i like. being able to touch my toes even, shit alone touch the floor with ease. fuck. im just waisting time...i need to get answers. FUCK YOU ALL! i hate most of you fucking bastards.