im gonna need a drink bottle

man. i was assigned to "crossroads" for a little while today and i heard a kid say that. man i hate kids. i hate me as a kid. i feel all shitty inside. like i need pepto bismal or something. they just make my stomach churn. they ask they ask. owwww. i hate it. no, they demand, they state. i dunno, maybe if they asked politely, and said if it is not too much trouble, i would like.... whatever.when i was a kid i dont know how bad i was. i think i wanted stuff sometimes and shit. i feel horrible about it. i cant think now, but i will not type down the actual events, but i remmber them vividly. man i hate ME. im such an asshole. i should never ever speak. i am worthless. i really am. why do i think im worth something. first i must become something, but its hard when i am less than nothing. i lose breath when i think about it. kids are not happy to me.parents kept telling their kids you can ride in the stroller, and gave BS answers as to why not. some were good, others were not. kids remember those lies....well i did. and i would ask again later on in life, and be told "i never said that to you" but i can not win the argument, although i remmber vividly in my head many differnt things like that, and shit it hurts.i think i need to let that go, but how? it hurts. im an asshole. only concerned with myself. even when i think about others. im concerned with how shitty people think i am cause i dont show enough. its hard, i try, but i fail.this is just shit that passes through my mind every so often. i know it holds me back. im just talkin to melissa and mary kate now. i had something else to write but i dont remmber it now.