japanese

i meant to put this in the last shit.im watching some japanese channel again, and i cant understand them for shit, although im not really trying. i need to study more!!!i can read some of the shit, but that aint all of the shit, or even mostt of the shit.im gonna watch for a few minutes, and this is what i gather....nevermind its just comercials now: hahaha pumpkin soup. FUCK that was awsome. some kind of martial arts comercial, they got the shit kicked out of them. anyways japanese is cool, i still cant understand it.

happy or sad

jess has been happy recently.that is good.it is easier for me to be happier when i dont have to worry if she is happy or not.so keep being happy.

pink is.....EROTIC

i like her videos. she has got some huge appeal to me. she just makes me smile. not really SEXY though she can be if she wanted to. id say erotic. provocative at times, but not enough, but just enough. i think id like to buy her bootleg, cause i got no burner here. plus i need to get a ktu mix cd anyways. she just licked a guys stomach, that is not cool, but yet i dont care, cause she is still awsome. yo im pissed at the yankees.i hate ventura. he is a fucking met. his fielding SUCKS. everytime i watch a game he fucks up on the field. i saw him hit a few good shots, but shit, the fucking erors LOSE games. his hits, dont WIN games. brosious was SOOO much better.next week im gonna try and go to a cyclones game with pax and some guys.oh yea, who else.....i still hate jeter.wtf is up with moose, he got too comfy.at least we are winning right now 10 - 5.work was good today, id have to say it was a good day. i did my thing, dont really care if others did theirs. got praised by those that matter. its all good. learning experience. gotta go downtown to get this kid an id. 7 am. fuck! i dunno. his girl rebecca or so i think is what he told me but i thought i heard someone call her jessica, but i got that impression after i was just talking to jess. hold upWTF~el duque is closing??? and the first baseman johnson, dropped the fucking ball on a fucking toss right INTO his glove. SAFE! this is what im talking about. WHO THE FUCK IS JOHNSON!? get rid of his fuckin ass!shit, where was i? whatver. that indian looking girl who is hot, was rubens, but he claims he gives up cause he cant speak english good enough. id feel kinda shitty, still do kinda, but she talks to me and shit, but ruben is always right there, and i say shit that he can answer, but he just stys shut. oh well. i prolly cant do shit with her anyways cause of the set up, but whatever. if ruben can get a shot, its all his. but whatever. oh yea, the others i wrote about i still cant get near. most of them are lifeguards,and KNOW they are the shit. so its tough, i cant really fucking do too much, but ehh, i do what i can. that sara girl looks, but is shy, so she is clearly in high school. but i dont care, im not lokin for anything remotly in that area with her.i need to seriously lower my standards here, but shit. they are just so hot.fuck! literally, but shit.whatever.shit im putting in too much detail in this shit nowadays.fuck it. its all for fun. i need to get to sleep soon.gotta take care of some shit real quick then chat for a bit.oh shit more to write anyways.i was speeding down the northern section of the ronx river, the tiny ass shit. man i love new york. i swea to god i wish southerners could be up there. that is why i am one of the greatest drivers in the fuckin country. shit. the shit out there, is nuts. that is like FUCK, shit, there are no workds for it. you gotta see it. highway to heaven baby. FUCK! yea, i talk the shit, but only after, or while i am doing the shit. fuck i love it motherfucker! FUCK YEA! WOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH.the condition of my body.i think everyday about surgery. i want to have it if i can get back to 100% or damn near close to it. ever since i told myself i would heal. i have been. i feel A LOT better. i feel really good. my back is as strong as its been in a while, but i need to row, to test it. if i cant row then i need surgery. i will find out about empires, and if no, then im gonna erg, and then see about the surgery. i dunno. there are times when i know i need it, and then i tink, i can deal with it. my leg shakes VIOLENTLY when i stretch in crtain positions in class. i just force it, i still get the stretch, but my leg spasms, i cant control. one time i was almost in tears with frustration. it makes me sad. i am in good shape, i dont want to lose it from sitting around after surgery. but i wanna have the surgery, and recover to be in the best shape of my life. i am solid right now. even my stomach is flattening out, it hasnt been this flat since sophmore year in highschool, if i can get it to junior year, i will be SET. but shit. not like im stacked or anything near that, i might not be as storng as i was when i was lifting, but im good, ya know? yea, of course i know. its me. i will never forget how im feeling now. maybe its the yoga, but shit. i love it. come on, hit me! so i can hit you back! YEAAAAAAAAA feel the testosteronii. shit yea. i love it. but im waisting too much time.

60 second assasins

girls girls girls girls.shit. they sure do keep me moving during the day. then they leave. and i dont wanna do shit.rebecca is that girl ruben was talking to, kinda indian or someshit. pax picks her up everyday and she vacuums the pools. sarah is the gymnastics chick, but i still think she is in high school. the lifeguards at pools 1-5, there are so many. the redheaded but clearly fake, but something highly attractive about it, is just a counselor, but she drives a land rover, ive seen her around. twoother highlighted blondes are counselors too, and thats all i can think of for now.for the progress...

im tired

shit. i came home at 6:45, fell asleep wanting to get up at 8 for class, but woke up at 6:00, for work, SHIT. my whole body hurts, not as bad as after a workout, but shit. it still hurts. thats good.gotta get ruben an id saturday, but i dont have time. gotta fix my brakes and shit then too. im always cranky when i get here after work.gotta go to class after work, straight.gotta get brakes after class.gotta find out when and if we are rowing, then schedule my surgery, then fucking get it, then recover, and fast!

damn it feels good to be a gangster

real gangster ass niggas dont sleep. damn it feels good to be in new york city. nigger is no longer a NEGATIVE WORD. you may try, but you will fail. white people, spics, blacks, asians, fuck indian curry eating motherfuckers too. all niggers. damn its nice to hear nigger coming out of their mouth. same shit as DUDE. fuck it.i fucking ramble like a little bitch ass sometimes in these fuckin letter shits. maybe one day i will read this shit over.308 is my apt number on crabtree rd. and its on the right.tomorrow is gonna be fuckin hot and shitty.camp starts thursday. ruben's girl in red, is a pool vacuumer. ha. thats pretty cool. i just thought id say that. im hot now. time to do some shit.

eeeeeeeeee

my dad gave me a hug like he was concerned and shit. i will admit, i am truly scared at those moments. i do not know what to do. my neck tightens up, i put my hand on his shoulder, and the other on his elbow cringing in fear. is it bad?? i dunno. that is partly why my neck was so strong for wrestling. i used to walk around tightening up my neck, i think my neck is still pretty strong, but it is not as huge since i left here. he suggested take a semmester off, blah blah blah. what the hell. how do i react to this. he asks my opinion, but i just keep on saying i dunno and backl off in fear. i hate that shit. my neck is fuckin tight right now. i hate that shit. anyways. fuck it.people are concerned. its cool. i feel appreciated??? cared about. i had to fucking almost cry to get my fucking dad to back off, and try to help, im not even going to touch that shit. i really am scared of that fucker. no one will ever be able to understand, nor should they ever have to or want to. anyways again! my aunt julie, as always is lookin for doctors, she found a few. my aunt rita has too. my uncles show their support in their own way, its cool. i dunno what to think. maybe its major, maybe, no it just is. but i cant change it. i know what i want to do, and i want to do it. but i dunno, how others will take it. fuck it. surgeons are paid to do what they do. i hate it when people question me. when i speak up....i am right....when i dont, im never wrong either. ya know??? not really, but back surgery is not my field. it is HIS. HE tells me, i will get better if i have it. OK so do it. SIMPLE! my life has been a lot easier since i changed my outlook to that. there is always a simple explaination. usually. some people notice it, others do not. oh well.fix me up. then i will rest. then i will be back to normal. as if nothing ever happened. money..thats what insurance is for, since my dad is letting me use his insurance, all i gotta do is keep paying the damn 13 dollar co-pay and thats all. yea, its frigin adding up now, but its better than a few hundred. then shit, cut me open and sew me up. SIMPLE.i dont want to think. i used to, and that got me all shitty in the head. now, just do it. fuck it. life aint a rehersal and shit. i already failed once. i do not want to fail again. i must get back up. i will not stay down! i fucking refuse to. eventually i will find meaning in life and shit. but fuck it. UB says, enjoy it. if your not, then leave. so i shall. i know if i think about the actual surgery i might have second thoughts, but im not gonna, shit, what can i do about it. NOTHING. so, i will never be phased by it. i fucked up. GET BACK UP AND FIX IT. that is ALWAYS the better answer. no appologies. only say that to women. they like that shit sometimes. but still, actions help it out as well. anyways, im waisting my time.i need to put in rear brakes on my car. SHIT. its too fuckin hot for that. i know im gonna get pissed and wanna stop. hopefully this week i will get it done. people to call, things to do...laters

cut and paste

wakie wakie. go to surgeon. surgeon say, you should cut cut, microsomethingectamy. he give many details. i learn.strength back...90% chance of fullpain....a lower percent but im not sure....but it does not mean that you are not at full strength.recovery....few days..IMOBILE! ....two weeks....MAYBE walking ....12 weeks....maybe full strength as its gonna getproceedure...remove the damaged area of disk...leave 60-70% still in there...NOT recomended to take ALL of it out...BAD-fusion...not yet at least.1% chance of infectionim forgeting all the other percentages, but they are for paralysis and all that other stuff.suppossedly best doctor of the year, three years in a row..new yorker magazine.perhaps i will, perhaps i will.my plan now:1.start rowing this week, see how i feel. prolly good enough to compete.2.row.3.schedule surgery for after empires4.row in the empire state games, and get a medal for NYC. "kill whitey!"(long island)5.return august 46.have surgery.7.recover.8.go back to work, maybe.9.see how i feel driving. if good, great, if not, find someone to journey to the heart of dixie and then send them back in a plane.10. file for bankruptcy.i still ahve to go to work today. this is me SLACKING. i guess i will sign off, and go now, though id much rather sit here and waiste some more time.